One Big Sweat Gland


I am really disliking this heat.  I can’t stand that I walk outside for two minutes and my armpits look like someone poured a glass of water on them.  I can only live in black and white shirts in the summer because I sweat so badly that any other shirt is noticeably drenched. 

My doctor tells me that I sweat so heavily because my body is so efficient in releasing sweat from all the work outs I do.  It almost makes me want to stop working out.  Jon calls me his “one big sweat gland.”  How endearing.  Maria and Mario both back away into the corner when I approach them after being outside and yell “get away, you are too sweaty!” 

I have tried the anti-sweat super deodorants but they don’t do a thing.  My super-sweat overpowers every time.  I guess it could be worse – I could….  Nah, it’s pretty bad.  I hate being frozen every time I walk up to the coffee shop because I have sweated so much that the AC feels like ice crystals on my body. 

All of this leads up to my sweat experience this afternoon. Jon’s niece, Sherri brought her kids over today while she and her hubby went to a charity golf outing.  We decided to go to the pool.  Of course, a normal human being would have loaded the kids in the car and headed to the pool.  But, alas, I have never been normal (thanks dad and mom and Meg).  Maria wanted to ride her bike.  Emi wanted to ride mine.  Eli wanted to ride mine, too, but she is not quite tall enough.  Mario wanted to ride his since Jon fixed the seat and he can actually move pretty quickly.  So, we packed up all the towels and goggles into the stroller and set off with Eli walking with me and the rest of the crew biking. 

Surprisingly, Mario biked the entire way and Eli walked with me the entire way. The soccer camp she went to last week got her in shape (she even ran with me when Mario got too far ahead).  Emi and Maria biked ahead of us – it’s nice having Emi with Maria because she makes her stop at each side street and look both ways – good influence!). 

We stayed at the pool for an hour or so but Mario got tired and cold so we decided to head back sooner than we had planned.  Mario, because he was tired and cold, did not want to ride his bike.  Eli did not want to walk.  Thank god Maria and Emi still wanted to ride their bikes.  So, I put Mario on one side of the double stroller and Eli on the other and threw Mario’s bike over the two of them.  How the stroller tires did not burst, I will never know.  We walked a half mile, which included a hill near the end of our walk that took me ten minutes to climb.  When we reached the house, I looked like I had just jumped into the pool.  Drenched in sweat.  Eli and Emi were speechless; Maria scolded me to take a shower; and Mario told me I needed to stop sweating.  Oh, the love.  Jon just looked at me like I was insane in the membrane. 

“Why didn’t you drive?” he asked as I walked in the house.  Now that would be a way too normal thing to do, and he knew that before even asking me.  His term of “one big sweat gland” for me actually is endearing – he secretly loves it, I know.  Or, I guess it is more accurate to say he secretly endures it because there is no other choice.  My body is efficient, that’s all I gotta say.

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